Editor’s note: This article is from eleven years ago. The first sentence is more true today than then. The rest isn’t bad either, he said humbly.-JS]
In the past week, our family celebrated Mother’s Day and the 16th anniversary of Wendy saying “Yes” to a question I am sure she didn’t fully comprehend at the time. These two events made me think quite a bit about women and the incredibly important decision of choosing a spouse.
Think for a minute how important certain women have been in your life. My mother, grandmothers, aunts, Wendy’s grandmother, my daughter, and many Christian women with names like Donna, Hester, Jean, Lana, and more come to mind. But no relationship has more influence in my life than the one I have with Wendy. The fact she is a Christian is the single most important part of that influence. This article is a love note to every young person who wants to be happy and go to heaven.
What Should I Look For In A Husband/Wife?
Truth be told, most relationships start with a physical attraction. That may seem shallow but do not pretend it isn’t at least a slice of the pie. We should be attracted to our mate. The Bible describes Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel respectively as, “beautiful in appearance,” “very attractive in appearance,” and “beautiful in form and appearance.”-Genesis 12:11; 24:16; 29:17. But don’t be fooled, “good looks” is well down the list of things that will make your marriage work and your life pleasant. “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”-Proverbs 31:30.
The first thing to look for in a mate is fear of God. If a person doesn’t fear God, they can’t be trusted within a marriage relationship. Marrying a Christian doesn’t guarantee a trouble-free life. But marrying someone without a knowledge of and respect for the word of God is asking for trouble.
In his excellent book Straight Talk for Teens, Randy Simmons makes this comment: “Of course, you don’t marry every person that you date, but you are going to marry some person you date.” The first step is choosing a Christian spouse is to date a Christian. If you are dating someone who will not be faithful to a loving Savior, how can you expect them to be a faithful and loving spouse? Life is difficult. There will be times when you need support in your Christian life. Will the person you are dating encourage you in your walk with Christ? Will the person you are dating stroll the narrow way to heaven with you or pull you in another direction. Your eternal home may hang on your decision.
Marry Someone You Like
Does he make a lot of money? Is she beautiful? We reap what we sow. We also get what we seek. In the final analysis, marriage is about living together with someone as a friend. Every other consideration is mute (rinse and repeat).
Be The Man You Want Your Daughter/Mother/Sister To Have
The husband is the head of the wife as Jesus is head of the church (Ephesians 5:22-29). But Jesus is not some despotic overlord who demands and punishes from some unapproachable perch. Christians are not captives of our Lord and men should not seek a captive mate. The man who puts a fence around his wife hasn’t chosen a wife but a slave. He has not sought a woman he can trust and his insecurity surely reflects a lack of trust in himself.
The head of the household should resemble a lead dog in a sled team. In researching for this article, I came across this quote, “Qualities for a good lead dog are intelligence, initiative, common sense, and the ability to find a trail in bad conditions.” Doesn’t that reflect the role of a husband? Providing for a family takes initiative and the ability to learn. The word of God provides us with the wisdom to learn from our mistakes. When the going gets tough, a husband must find a way for his family. What woman would not submit to such a man? A Christian woman already has a Lord. She needs a man to lead in this life and she will follow. May God bless your selection of a Christian spouse.
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